


Mind Wipe

by junjoumisaki



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Boredom, Cats, Crack, Humor, M/M, Pasties, Relationship(s), Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-06
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:53:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10130306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junjoumisaki/pseuds/junjoumisaki
Summary: France and England find themselves stranded at a rest stop after their car dies--and decide to work out their kinks in a restroom. Bring Prussia, Romano, and gas station food into the mix--and you have this messed up work of art.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in the waiting room of an Enterprise after our car crapped out by me and my friend Anya the Purple Banyana. We passed the laptop back-n-forth, each taking turns writing a paragraph or two. We hope you enjoy this product of our boredom.

One day, England and France's car dies, and the two of them find themselves stuck at a deli waiting for a rental car.

"Well, I guess we should get some thing to eat since it looks like we'll be here for a while," England says.

France turns green. "E-E-Engl-- Arthur! You can NOT be serious! Gas station food is practically toxic!!!!!!"

"Do you have a better suggestion, you stupid frog? There is nothing else around here!"

"Uh... We could..." France looks around desperately for a suggestion. England laughs. Obviously, he was apout to say something smug.

"Well, I suppose," England begins offhandedly, "we could always check out how nice the bathroom is?"

"MY. GOD!!! You want to--?! In a random, filthy, gas station restroom--that hasn't been cleaned since the days of dinosaurs?! ...Qui. Why not?"

"I'll go in first. Wait five minutes, and then follow me." After speaking, England causually walked into the, suprising clean, restroom, and began to prepare himself for France.

France was delighted, and definetly surprised. Happily, he began to wander the aisles, pretending to interested in the wares as he killed time. To his shock, he happened across a pop-up store display peddling merchandice for the latest Harry Potter movie. A small orange package caught his eye, and France couldn't help himself. By the time he went throught the line and paid, he was 5 minutes overdue. England snapped at him.

England patiently waited until the door was closed and locked before unleashing his rath upon the Frenchman. "You stupid wanker!! I've been in here, trousers around my ankles, fingers in my ass, for ten minutes!!! What the hell took you so long?!? I almo--" A flash of white behind France's back caught his eye. "You bought something? What did you get? If it's something completely ridiculous, I'm going to walk out of this restroom, and leave you stranded here."

As one would expect, England was expecting something either mind-blowingly useless, or sinfully kinky. He was not expecting France to buy food. Gas station food. TOXIC, gas station food. Yet, here he was--opening up the small white bag, and (ever so shyly) handing him a little pumpkin pasty.

England was surprised. Out of all the things France could have bought, he bought him one of his favorite snacks. He tore his eyes away from the pumpkin flavoured treat, and looked lovingly into France's worried eyes. "I-- How-- how did you know that I liked these? I haven't had one in years... Thank you."

"You're welcome, mon amore", France said, drawing close to the slender Brit, and wrapping him in his strong arms. "Does this mean you won't leave me alone in here?"

England pretended to think about it for a moment, and let out a laugh when he saw France's fake look of hurt. "I won't leave you, ever," he said, gently kissing the frenchman's lips. "Now," his eye's took on a flirtatous spark, "while I am hungry for that pumpkin pasty, there is another part of me that is wanting to be filled. Do you have any idea of what we could fill it with?"

For some reason, France couldn't help but feel some sort of hesitation about answering the question. It was if--somewhere, far, FAR, away--there was some kind of higher power was watching them, and enjoying this. The thought unnerved France a little. But, then, for the sake of the onlookers, he chose to make the scene a show. He raised his arm, and led England around in a waltz-like twirl that had the smaller man stepping skillfully out of his trousers. The pair danced until they came to the wall. With a lunge, France pinned England to the cold surface. "Oh, I don't know... Do you have a preference?"

"I read somewhere that carrots work really well as a replacement dildo, but I much prefer something, bigger," England said, rubbing his exposed crack against France's clothed cock. "What I'm feeling seems fairly big. Do you think it'll be big enough to fill me up?"

"Or rather", France teased, "Are YOU big enough to hold ME?" England colored, a mix of embarrassment and indignation. A spell sent France's clothes--ALL of them--flying off. France's yelped in shock. England fixed his cocky green eyes on his lover's startled blue ones. "Oh, I'm more than enough for you, frog!" And he jumped up onto France, arms going around his shoulders, and legs wrapping around his waist. Hot breath tickled France's ear. "Don't keep me waiting again now..."

"Honhonhon oh mon cher, it wouldn't do to keep this perfect ass waiting," France said as he quickly pushed deep inside. "Ah!" England yelled as his prostate was hit dead on. "I-It is big, but-- Mn! I feel like it could go deeper."

"Oh hon hon! Is that a challenge or a request?" His lips latched onto England's throat, the bruising kisses sending shivers down England's spine. He bucked against France, gasping in pleasure. The sound thrilled France. England just sounded so darn sexy! Without waiting for his answer, France shoved in DEEP, forcing out a high, choking yelp that was loud enough to be heard beyond the door...

...And just two minutes before, Prussia and Romano had entered the deli to get a quick bite. Prussia had gone to order while Romano headed for the john. Just as he touched the handle, he heard England's lustful gasp...

"The fuck!!" he yelled, but his voice went unheard by the two in the bathroom. Romano blushed as the voices continued to get louder and more passionate. He spluttered, and was trying to decide if he should yell at the two to hurry it up or if he should just hold it and walk away, when Prussia came over. "Why aren't you going in? Do you need someone to open the--" he stopped and looked at the door in horror as he recognized the sounds, and the voice, coming from beyond the door.

Romano's horror quadrupled when Prussia turned to him, and said... "V'Vell... I think the ladies' room is empty..." "The fuck is wrong with you, bastard?! I am NOT doing THAT with you in a nasty bathroom", he hissed softly. Prussia's eyes popped. That hadn't been what he'd been suggesting... But this was even better! He grabbed Romano's wrist. "Nein! It'll be fun! Komen!" "WHAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" Romano dragged his heels. Halfway inside the other room--which was decorated with the ugliest pictures of Elvis ever--Romano grabbed the doorway like a lifeline. "What if someone has to go?!" "Don't worry, brohas! Gilbird will distract them with his AWESOME cuteness! We'll be fine!" A loud thud from the other room discracted Romano, and Prussia yoinked him into the restroom, and slammed the door.

France accidentally knocked the soap dispenser off the sink when he heard Prussia's loud voice preposition some poor soul to go into the ladies room with him. England looked just as horrified. "Mon cher! What have we done!? Prussia is going to take that poor innocent girl in a bathroom! She deserves a beautiful bedroom full of sweet smelling flowers not some shabby gas station hookup!" Not that he had anything against Prussia doing it in random places, he couldn't stand the thought of some poor girl losing her virginity in some dingy, dirty gas station.

England slowly pulled himself off of France's cock. The had already finished, so it wasn't like they couldn't afford to freak out about Prussia taking some girl into the women's room to do who knows what with her. "Alright, I'll help you rescue the girl from that idiot. Let's get dressed, and then we can go save her from Prussia's stupidity."

They heard the door slam. The two shared a look of alarm. Time was an enemy! "'Urry, mon chere!!!!", cried the Frenchman. England was back in his clothes in a flash. France on the other hand... "Arthur! Where in the world did your magic send my pants?!" "They couldn't have gone far! ...Oh bloody shit!" France whirled around to see England gawking at a little...checkered mouse? Crouching nervously by the trashcan, it watched England inch closer to it--before darting behind the can. England lunged after it, and missed. It dissappeared into a tiny hole in the wall. England stared, horrified. France still didn't understand. "Arthur...? What was that?" He watched England's face blanche. "Your pants, Francis. ...And by the look of things, they just ran into the ladies' restroom..."

"I cannot leave here without my pants!!!" France yelled, then looked solemnly at Arthur. "England, you must go rescue my pants, and save that girl. I have faith that you can do both, but please get me my pants back." England looked at france hard. "You mean to tell me that you care more about your pants than you do about an innocent girl's virginity?" France swallowed. "Of course not, mon cher! Of course I want you to save the girl first. But I can't leave this ro--" a loud groan from the other room distracted France from his bumbling attempt at saving his ass, and had England rushing out of the men's room to go save the unknown girl from a horrible fate.

"YAY! Merenda!" Sang Italy happily, as he burst through the deli doors. Germany was behind him, much less enthusiastic. Though he'd asked the bubbly Italian out on a date while neither of their interferring, older brothers were home, he was already exhausted. They'd been to a mall, bought moss balls at a shrine, chased cats, nearly fell into the penguin tank at the zoo, bought chimpanzee postcards... And Italy was still going strong. As for Germany, the last bit of his strength left him when he saw that Greece was the cashier of this place. That meant they'd be in line at least an hour... A light bulb flashed over Germany's head. "H-Hey Italy..." the blonde began, "Why don't you buy lunch? I've got to use the bathroom." Italy beamed. "Sure thing, Commander! It's empty!" Germany wondered how he knew that. While he'd been distracted by his plan to get a few seconds alone to clear his head, Italy had seen England fly madly out of the mens' room, kick open the ladies' room door, and rush inside...as a mouse ran out. Germany left Italy to purchase whatever it is that Italian's snack on, and headed to the restrooms. From inside the ladies' room, it sounded like a war was going on... Disturbed, but not wanting ANY part of it, Germany shut his eyes and hurried into the mens' room...

"WWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Itaty and Greece, who were talking happily about cats while at the checkout, came running over to the restrooms at the sound of the extremely high pitched scream of terror. They arrived just as the women's room door burst open emmiting a bruised up Prussia, an angry Romano, and surprisingly, a terrified looking England. "France!" he shouted, as he quickly ripped open the door to the men's room. Everyone stared in shock at the still screaming Germany and a panicking, half naked France trying to make him stop. "Oh England! Thank God! Please make it stop! It's hurting my delicate ears!"

Italy flew into the bathroom. "Germany! Germany! What's wron--AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" To the horror of everyone present, Italy grabbed the toliet plunger and began cracking France over the head repeatedly. "NO! GERMANY IS MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM BIG BROTHER FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!" Germany screamed even louder. ...And so did Romano. "WHAT THE FUCK?! YOU TWO ARE DATING?!?! DAMMIT! I'LL KILL YOU POTATO BASTARD!!!!!!" "ENGLAND! HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" France shreiked, still being clobbered by a plunger. Before he could do anything, Prussia tackled the Brit to the floor. "I'll teach you to fuck with my AWESOME fucking", the albino hissed. He felt something squish beneath him. England gasped. He plowed a wrathful fist into Prussia's face. "BASTARD! YOU SMASHED MY PUMPKIN PASTY!"

"PUMPKIN PASTY?!" Italy yelled, stopping dead in his tracks. "Like... Harry Potter Pumkin pasties?"

"YES!"

"Vait... Dey shell dose fere", Prussia asked despite his bleeding gums. France pointed a shaky finger over at the dispaly where all the Harry Potter merchandise was. Italy claped for joy. He grabbed Germany and Romano's hands. "Come on!" Everyone else followed.

So everyone sat down at the tables eating pumpkin pasties, and talked about what went on. England was pretty sure he'd never lose his blush, especially now that Prussia knew what he and France did. France and Prussia were arguing over who was better in bed "England! "No, it's Romano". Romano was yelling at Prussia. Greece and Italy were back to talking about fluffy kitties. And Germany?

Germany just wished for a mind wipe.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to apologize for any spelling errors. We didn't really get time to go over it well before posting it. Still! I hoped you enjoyed this stupid, humor-filled story.


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